Affection
by 4ng3legg
Summary: L begins to notice Matsuda. Can affection grow between a genius and a guy who is not so much a genius? LxMatsuda. Fluffy. My first Death Note fic. Please be nice. Reviews always appreciated. Sequel up.
1. The Beginning

L realized he couldn't stop looking at him.  
But, L wondered, what was _it_ about the floppy-haired detective?  
Matsuda wasn't a genius. He was smart enough and very nice. Sweet, even.  
He was hard-working and eager to please. Perhaps that was it?  
He always had a smile on his face and a laugh to go with it.  
Perhaps_that_ was it. That smile.  
--

It had started when Matsuda asked for more do to. He didn't want to be a burden, L understood.  
Matsuda was horrified to think that perhaps he wasn't contributing to the group as much as he could.  
But L didn't think Matsuda _was_ a burden. He did the work L assigned him and L was grateful for that.  
So when Matsuda asked for more work, L simply asked him to get him and their guests some coffee.  
L didn't understand why Matsuda looked as if L had kicked him in the nuts.

Matsuda didn't argue. He didn't say a word. He never would have. He sighed and waited for the introductions to be made and then went and got the coffee – exactly as L liked it – with a lot of sugar.

L smiled when he drank the coffee. Not even Watari brought the coffee as L liked it.  
L always had to add his own sugars but Matsuda made it perfectly.  
"Thank you." L had said when he took a drink, "It's perfect."  
Matsuda smiled slightly, "You are welcome." '_It's all I'm good for, anyway…_'  
L wondered why Matsuda still looked sad.

"You'd better accompany Misa-chan to her taping today, Matsuda." Light was saying, "Misa-chan said no one else makes her coffee like you."  
Matsuda made a valiant effort to smile but it never reached his eyes, "Of course."  
L watched the young man as he pulled on his suit coat and walked towards the exit of the large room, his back slightly bent as if he were burdened.  
--

When the distress call came in from Matsuda, L wondered if the young detective had simply bumped into an object and activated his belt-button _again_.  
But then they realized where Matsuda's GPS signal was coming from – the Yotsuba Corperation building!  
L felt as if someone had punched him in his stomach. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Matsuda was in trouble.

Matsuda, for his part, wasn't _completely_ worried.  
The story he made up sounded _almost_ real.  
He didn't deny, though, the huge sense of relief he felt when he heard L's voice.  
Even if L was pretending to be a friend wanting to go out for the night.  
But Matsuda caught the clues and responded correctly.  
L knew he was in trouble and L would save him, Matsuda knew.

He wondered briefly if _this_ was why they didn't assign him more work.  
If he got out of this mess alive, Matsuda figured he'd be serving coffee for the rest of his life.  
That is, if L didn't kick him off the team.

During the thrown-together party Misa was giving for the Yotsuba members, Matsuda tried to act as calmly as possible.  
Drinking water instead of the alcohol that was in abundance, he announced his wish to be excused – to no one in particular – and made his way to the bathroom of the hotel suite.  
Matsuda ignored the warmth in his stomach when he heard L's voice again.  
So when L said Matsuda had to die in order to keep from being killed, Matsuda realized that warm feeling had been replaced with the feeling of having a bucket of ice water thrown over his head while he stood naked, outdoors, in the snow.

He listened with growing apprehension as L described his plan and while he was nervous and somewhat disturbed at how many things could possibly go wrong, Matsuda knew he would go through with it.  
"T-thank you, Ryuuzaki-san…" Matsuda whispered so quietly that L almost didn't hear him.  
L blinked, confused, "What…?"  
"I… I knew you'd find a way to save me. T-thank you…"

L ignored the lifted-eyebrow-looks that Light and the other members were exchanging and rubbed absentmindedly at the warm blush on his face.  
"Of… course… I… wait there and I'll call you when Yagami-san is ready."  
"Of course." Matsuda said.  
Soichiro was already gone with Aiber and Weddy to quickly set up L's plan.  
"Watari!" L called with an urgency that felt unnatural, "Get an ambulance and uniforms. Light and I are going."  
Light looked surprised that they'd be leaving but didn't say anything.

L called Matsuda and told him they were ready.  
Matsuda took a deep breath and left the bathroom and walked into the dark hall.  
He could hear the talking and laughing of the people in the room beyond the door.  
He wondered briefly how their faces would look when he fell.

As he burst into the room, swaying and staggering as if drunk, he tried to ignore the painful feeling of anxiety sitting heavy in his stomach.  
He stumbled to the balcony and pulled open the door, "W-watch this!" He laughed and thought it sounded so unnatural, "W-watch this… I… I… this is gonna be great… watch me!"  
He climbed onto the balcony-rail, hearing the cries of surprise and dismay from the people in the room.  
He ignored the shaking in his legs as he stood up, "N-now look! LOOK!"

L asked Watari to film it – just in case. He needed to make sure nothing went wrong.  
He sat nervously in the ambulance with Light, watching the small screen.  
"Jeez…" Light whispered as Matsuda stood on the thin rail of the balcony, "This is making me really nervous."  
L swallowed hard. This was going to go wrong! Matsuda would die! All because of his stupid plan!

Matsuda bent and placed his hands on the rail. L gasped, "We… we've got to stop this!"  
"Ryuuzaki…?" Light couldn't even pull his eyes from Matsuda's spectacle on the screen, "What?"  
Matsuda lifted himself onto his hands and did a perfect hand-stand on the thin rail of the balcony.  
L recognized the conflicting emotions battling in his being.  
On the one hand he was unbearably nervous for Matsuda.  
On the other, he was immensely impressed with the young detective's physical skill. Not a lot of people could pull off that stunt without…

Matsuda's hand slipped and his body began tilting. He screamed as he fell.  
The scream filled L's ears and he realized that it wasn't just Matsuda screaming! It was him!  
L gasped and Light grabbed his shoulder, "CALM DOWN, RYUUZAKI! MATSUDA IS FINE!"

The screen showed Matsuda helping Soichiro to pull the mattress off the balcony beneath the one Matsuda had just fallen off of.  
On the floor of the street, Aiber was lying with his face towards Watari's camera and Weddy was screaming her lungs out.  
A couple of the men from the Yotsuba group stood on the balcony, gaping at the body below.  
Misa appeared and pulled them back inside.

L tore his eyes away and realized his limbs were shaking.  
"Let's go." Light said, choosing not to point out L's emotional state.  
"It worked." Watari's voice was saying into L's headpiece, "Matsuda is "dead". Come pick up Aiber."  
"Y-yes, of course."  
-

Much later, L watched the young detective as Soichiro bawled him out.  
Matsuda didn't argue or complain.  
He just sat there, looking infinitely broken.  
-

Later, when everyone else had retired for the night and Light lay sleeping in the bed next to his, L got up. He was hungry and he didn't sleep much anyway.  
He unlocked his handcuff and left the room.  
He didn't worry about Light getting up and killing anyone.  
L always had Watari slip a sleeping drug into Light's food and Light would sleep the whole night through and wake up feeling especially refreshed.

L went to the kitchen to search for food.  
Candy, cake, ice cream – whatever.

He was peering into the refrigerator when he heard a noise coming from the walk-in pantry.  
The door was slightly open.  
Wondering if there was mouse in their midst, L slowly opened the pantry door.  
Instead of a tiny mouse, he found a Matsuda.

Matsuda was standing with his back to him, holding an opened coffee can. There was coffee on the floor in front of him and he was sighing, "Unbelievable." He said out loud.  
L jumped when Matsuda spoke. He didn't think Matsuda had heard him.  
L opened his mouth to speak but Matsuda continued, "I can't do_anything_ right…"  
L swallowed and licked his chapped lips, "I don't think that's true."  
Matsuda scream and whirled around, dropping the coffee can on the floor.

"R-ryuuzaki-san…" Matsuda stuttered, "W-what… what're you doing here?"  
_'Ah!_' L realized, _'Matsuda hadn't heard me. He'd been talking to himself._'  
Matsuda sighed when he saw the mess he'd made, "I-I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki-san, I'll pick it up."  
"It's okay." L said, "I'll get Watari…"  
"N-no! I… I made the mess. I wouldn't want to awaken Watari-san for no good reason."

L stuffed his hands in his pockets as he watched Matsuda find the dustpan and broom, "Couldn't you sleep, Ryuuzaki-san?" Matsuda asked as he swept the coffee.  
"I don't sleep much."  
"Mm." Matsuda nodded slowly.  
"And you?"  
"Mm? Oh… I… well, I…" Matsuda looked up at L and then away again, as if guilty, "I couldn't sleep." He finished lamely.  
Matsuda didn't want to admit that every time he closed his eyes, his head was filled with images of everyone looking at him with something like disgust in their eyes.  
He kept going over his stupid mistakes in his head and it was effectively keeping sleep away.

"I figured if I couldn't sleep," Matsuda continued in the awkward silence, "Then I should just keep working. I came to make some coffee and… well, you see what happens when I touch things." Matsuda gave a hollow laugh. He wished L would stop staring at him and just say something.  
"It was an accident." L said, "I'm glad you're safe, Matsuda-kun."  
Matsuda looked up at him. _'The great L was glad that he – silly little Matsuda – was safe?'_  
"R-really?"  
"Yes. You're a part of this team. We don't have many members and to lose you would have been losing a lot."  
Matsuda frowned. Did that mean that L thought Matsuda was a necessary addition or that Matsuda was merely another pair of hands?

"I would have missed you." L said.  
Matsuda swallowed hard, "You… would have?"  
L smiled, "Yes – Light-kun isn't the only person I think of as a friend, Matsuda-kun. I think you're my friend, too."  
Matsuda's eyes opened wide and he lowered his face to hide the blush on his face.

"Ah… w-where is Light-kun? You don't have the handcuffs on." Matsuda asked as he finished picking up the coffee.  
"Light-kun won't wake up." L said simply, "The chances of him getting up and killing people in his sleep are rather slim."  
Matsuda's mouth twisted. He didn't know if L was mocking him or just joking.  
"Would you like me to make you some coffee, Ryuuzaki-san?"  
L nodded, "Do you want some cake? I know Watari has some in the fridge."  
"Sure." Matsuda said giving L a genuine smile.  
-

As Matsuda ate his cake, he watched the screens as if searching for an answer.  
L watched Matsuda.  
He'd never noticed before how interesting Matsuda's little habits were.  
"Ryuuzaki-san…?" Matsuda said, taking a sip of his hot coffee.  
"Yes?"  
"C-could you… um… maybe stop… staring at me?"  
"No."

Matsuda's eyes grew wide, "W-why not?"  
"I don't want to." L said, "I like looking at you."  
"But… _why_!?"  
L tilted his face, "I don't know why. Perhaps that's why. There is something about you, Matsuda-san, that I like. I don't know what it is exactly. I am studying you so that, perhaps, I can find out what it is."

Matsuda stared at L, "You like me? B-but, I'm not anything special."  
"That's not true, Matsuda. You're very _you_. You're very imperfect and strange and… _goofy_."  
"Thanks?"  
"It's attractive." L continued, "I like it."  
Matsuda swallowed hard, "Well… I… I mean… you… uh…"  
"See? You're such a mystery. I have no idea what you're going to do or say next. I rather enjoy it."

Matsuda laughed suddenly, "I-if you're not careful, Ryuuzaki-san, I could take this the wrong way."  
"Mm?"  
"I-I could start thinking you are r-romantically attracted to me – then I might want to be your boyfriend." Matsuda stood up, "If you're finished, Ryuuzaki-san, I'll take your dishes to the kitchen."  
L stared up at him, "Do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Matsuda face went pale, "I… I didn't say… I mean, I said I might… I-I…"  
"You said that if you thought I was romantically attracted in you then you might want to be my boyfriend. I _am_ interested in you, Matsuda. Do you want to be my boyfriend?"  
"I…"  
"Am I incorrect? You're not attracted to me?" L thought for a moment, "I must say I'm surprised I got it wrong. I rarely get anything wrong."  
Matsuda set the dishes on the desk and touched L's shoulder, "You're right."  
He bent and brushed his lips against L's cheek, "I'm attracted to you, Ryuuzaki-san."  
Matsuda rushed away, the dishes clanking as he walked.

L followed, intensely interested in Matsuda's shyly anxious but clearly positive reaction.  
Matsuda was setting the dishes in the sink we he saw L walk in, "R-ryuuzaki-s…?"  
"You can call me, L." L said, "Since you're my boyfriend. You should call me by my first name."  
Matsuda stared at him, "Your name is _L_?"  
L smiled, "Yes."  
"Really? Just… _L_?"  
"L Lawliet." L said, "Surprised?" he smiled widely.

Matsuda blinked, looking at L's smile. L rarely smiled so genuinely. It was a little strange but Matsuda liked it. A lot.  
"You're full of surprises… L." Matsuda said shyly.  
"Is that bad?" L asked, "Do you still want to be my boyfriend?"  
Matsuda laughed, "Yes, I _like_ all your surprises. Just… don't be disappointed if I can't always keep up with your mind, L. I'm not a genius like you or Light." Matsuda blushed, "You two are always coming up with great ideas and the right decisions… I… I… why aren't you interested in Light, L? Why me and not him?"

L's eyes widened, "You may act like an idiot sometimes, Matsuda, but that's okay. Light is my friend but that's all. He's too full of himself. Frankly, I don't think he has a sex drive."  
Matsuda laughed. Light was his friend, of course, but it was still funny.  
L smiled when Matsuda laughed. He rather liked the sound. It was very pleasant.

Matsuda rolled up his sleeves and began washing the dishes.  
"Matsuda?"  
"Yea?"  
"Can I kiss you on the lips?"

Matsuda's eyes widened and he looked at slouching man standing with his hands in his pockets and one foot curled against the other.  
"Y-yea… of course…"  
L frowned, "I've never kissed anyone before."  
"Do… do you want me to start?"  
L nodded, the slightest pink in his pale cheeks.

Matsuda leaned in close to L. His lips barely brushed against L's and his hands squeezed his shoulders.  
L grasped Matsuda's elbows and deepened the kiss.  
Matsuda groaned and pulled the thin man closer.  
He shivered when he felt the tip of L's tongue against his lips and he parted his lips to allow the genius further access.  
Matsuda's hands clenched and unclenched against L's back as L began sucking on Matsuda's tongue.  
After what could have been five minutes or five hours, L pulled away.

L kept his face near Matsuda's as they both panted softly, "This is fun." L said matter-of-factly.  
Matsuda nodded, "Uh huh…"  
"You're very good." L said, "I enjoyed it. I don't think I am good at it though."  
"I beg to differ…" Matsuda murmured.  
"I'll just have to keep practicing with you, ok, Matsuda? Until I excel."  
Matsuda thought L's kissing was superb but if L wanted to practice with him then he wasn't about to argue!  
--

Surprisingly, Matsuda was a skilled actor and the next morning no one would have guessed that he and L had spent the night "practicing".  
No one seemed to notice the side-glances the two exchanged.  
Not even Light noticed when he was in the pantry, looking for a can of soda, L and Matsuda were in the kitchen their lips melded together as silently as they possibly could.  
When Light reappeared, Matsuda was telling L he had the files L had wanted.  
As it turns out, L discovered, Matsuda could fool even the genius Light when he so desired.  
L was happy in his knowledge that he knew something Light couldn't possibly.  
Now, if he could just prove that Light was Kira…

** The End.  
**

* * *

LOL, so I've never written yaoi before. I'm not a huge fan of it but I really really really REALLY like LxMatsuda.  
I have no idea why.  
I like Near a lot too but I don't really care to pair him with anyone. LOL.

I had no idea how to end it. But I really liked the idea of Light just a few steps away, still handcuffed to L and L and Matsuda making out. Maybe I'll do a sequel about how Matsuda felt when L died.  
(I hate that L died but what can I do about it, eh!? L will live on in my heart!)

Light sucks. I can't stand the guy. Nuff said.

REVIEW, Please! Mmkay? OKAY! Thanks!  
If you guys review and ask me nicely, I'll do the sequel!

-4ng3legg


	2. The End

Matsuda woke up alone.  
Knowing full well that he was alone, Matsuda pat the bed around him, searching for the warm body that should have been there.  
Matsuda sighed. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the mattress.  
"L…" He called/whispered, "L, where are you?"  
There was no answer in the dark.

Matsuda wondered if L had gone to the kitchen or perhaps he was in the bathroom.  
He stood up and stretched. He'd have liked a few more hours of sleep but he had a hard time sleeping without L now.  
Matsuda also didn't want L to be by himself walking around the huge building they lived in.  
Matsuda pulled on a robe and decided to find L and drag him back to bed.  
--

"There you are."  
L looked up to see Matsuda standing over him.  
L smiled, "You should be asleep. You'll be tired tomorrow otherwise."  
"I plan on sleeping." Matsuda said as he yawned, "What are you doing? Come back to bed."  
L's eyes moved to the huge screen, "Just checking for updates. I… couldn't sleep."  
"You're more than willing to slip Light sleeping drugs but you won't take any yourself?"  
"And impair myself?" L's eyes widened, "I think not."

Matsuda sighed.  
L glanced at him, "I don't like just laying there all night while you sleep."  
"Well, I do." Matsuda said, "I don't sleep well without you. You know that."  
"Not that I understand it." L said, "We haven't always slept together. You seemed to sleep fine before. Why wouldn't you be able to sleep now?"  
Matsuda sighed, "I don't know the scientific details, L – all I know is that I wake up when you're not there. So, please – come back to bed?"

L looked back at the screens, "Mm – can I have ice cream?"  
"Even if I said, 'No', you wouldn't listen to me." Matsuda smiled, "But you know I never say no to you."  
L blinked, "I'd listen to you if you said no."  
"No – you'd _hear_ me and probably wonder why I said no but you wouldn't act accordingly." Matsuda pointed out.

"Why wouldn't you want me to eat ice cream?"  
"Because all you eat is sweets and I'm worried about your health – that's why I've begun slipping vitamins and supplements into your desserts." Matsuda answered honestly, "But I can't stand to tell you no, L, so I never do."  
L frowned, "You've been putting things in my food without telling me?"  
Matsuda rolled his eyes, "Yes – don't worry. None of this stuff would impair your intelligence in any way. Actually, it'll improve it, if anything."  
"I _have_ been feeling different lately."  
"Mm-hm," Matsuda extended his hand to L, "Come on, we'll go get your ice cream."

L stood up in his chair and Matsuda nearly screamed.  
"Y-you're going to fall!" He gasped.  
"Turn around." L told him, "Please."  
Matsuda furrowed his brow but did as L asked.

L climbed onto his back and rested his head on his shoulder, "The floor is cold."  
Matsuda stifled a laugh, "Then you should wear socks or slippers."  
"No."  
"Why?" Matsuda carried L to the kitchen, "Do socks or slippers impair your judgment?"  
L smiled, "No, I just don't like to wear socks or slippers."

L stayed on Matsuda's back as he prepared a dish of ice cream.  
"Are you going to put in your vitamins?" L asked as he gestured to the chocolate sauce, "More chocolate."  
"Yes." Matsuda said, "You haven't even noticed, L. It doesn't even impair the taste."  
"Mm." L said, "You could have been poisoning me all this time and I would have never known."  
Matsuda sighed, "Well, that's _one_ way of thinking about it."

"Does anyone else put anything in my food?" L asked.  
"No, only Watari-san and I prepare any food for you, you know that."  
"Watari knew you were putting vitamins into my food?"  
"Yes – I asked him to do the same. He agreed." Matsuda finished the preparations, "Done. See? And it will taste just fine. Although, I wish I didn't have to resort to lacing your desserts with nutrients."

Matsuda carried L and the dish of ice cream back to L's room.  
"If I made you a dinner – with real food and everything – would you eat it?" Matsuda asked as he nudged the door open with his toe.  
L was quiet for a long time.  
Matsuda sat down on the bed and L climbed off his back.

Matsuda handed him the dish of ice cream, "I suppose that's a…"  
"Yes, I would." L said, peering at the ice cream, "If you made it, Matsuda. I would."  
Matsuda grinned, "Then I will."  
L dipped his spoon in the chocolate sauce and licked it, "What would you make me?"

Matsuda stretched out on the bed and shivered when L snuggled his cold feet against his side, "I don't know… I haven't prepared a menu just yet." Matsuda watched the hunched genius as he ate his ice cream.  
"Not too many vegetables." L said, "They're too bitter. Mm, I'm a super-taster."  
"Okay." Matsuda said, yawning, "I'll make you something like chicken or fish."  
"Chicken."  
"Okay."

L watched Matsuda's eyelids flutter. He finished his ice cream.

"Matsuda?"  
"Mm?"  
"Are you asleep?"  
Matsuda smiled, "Yes."  
"I don't believe you." L leaned over Matsuda and set the empty dish on the nightstand, "You're still awake."  
"No, I'm sleep-talking."

L was quiet for a moment. It wasn't unheard of.  
"Are you really?"  
Matsuda opened one eye, "No."  
L pouted.  
Matsuda laughed, "I'm sorry."

L shook his head, "You should be sleeping. I'm sorry for keeping you awake."  
Matsuda lifted himself onto his elbows, "It's worth it – for you."  
L leaned in, "Your words make me feel…"  
Matsuda waited patiently.  
"Nervous."  
"Bad nervous?" Matsuda asked.  
L gave him a genuine smile, "I like it."  
"Then I'd say it was more like, 'excited.'" Matsuda said.  
"Yes, that's it."

Matsuda closed the distance and brushed his lips against L's.  
L immediately deepened the kiss and Matsuda could taste chocolate.  
L flung his leg over Matsuda and straddled his hips.  
Matsuda groaned when he felt L's long, graceful fingers slide into his hair.  
As intoxicating as cool fingers, warm chocolate-flavored lips and warmer thighs were, Matsuda pulled away and tried to stifle a yawn.

L smiled, "Am I boring you?"  
Matsuda grinned, embarrassed, "You're joking."  
L twisted a lock of Matsuda's hair around his finger, "I like your hair."  
"Mm." Matsuda rested on his back, "That feels good."  
L brushed back Matsuda's hair, "It's a young look." He said, "But I like it. Are you going to cut it?"  
"Mm? No… not any time soon. I kind of like it long, too." Matsuda grinned.

"Good. When I die, I want you to cut it."  
Matsuda's eyes flew open, "What?"  
"I said, 'when I die…'"  
"I_heard_ you." Matsuda frowned, "Why would you say something like that?"  
L tilted his head, "All humans die, Matsuda. I'm no different."

Matsuda sighed, "You speak as if you're going to die tomorrow."  
L's eyes rolled heavenward, "I might. I don't know what will happen tomorrow…"  
"Stop talking like that," Matsuda snapped, "I don't want to hear things like that from you."  
L looked genuinely surprised.

"Did I make you angry, Matsuda?"  
Matsuda rested his arm over his eyes, "I just… I don't want to think about you ever dying."  
"Would you miss me?"  
Matsuda groaned, "Of course I would! Unbearably!" He grasped L's arms, "Anyway – what's this about me cutting my hair?"  
"If I…"  
"Yea, yea, go on."  
"Well, if you cut your hair then I'll see you from heaven and I'll know you are mourning me and I will know that you miss me as much as I miss you."

Matsuda's eyes opened wide and he laughed, "Ok – I'll cut it and I won't ever grow it out again. I'll mourn you forever."  
"In that case," L said, "Keep the front a little long. It'll look attractive."  
"What if I die before you?" Matsuda asked suddenly, "Will you cut your hair for me?"  
"Do you want me to?"  
Matsuda smiled, sliding his fingers through L's hair, "No. I love your hair the way it is."

"What do you want me to do if you die before me?"  
"Mm…" Matsuda thought, "Eat vegetables?"  
L made a face and Matsuda laughed, "No – I don't want to torture you. Mm, how about you wear colored shirts? If I see you wearing colored shirts then I'll know you miss me."  
L thought about this, "Then I'll tell Watari to buy me shirts in every color. I won't ever wear white shirts again."  
Matsuda laughed, "Deal." He yawned deeply.

"Go to sleep." L said, nestling against Matsuda's chest, "I'll stay."  
"Good." Matsuda wrapped his arms around L, "Goodnight."  
--  
_  
Months Later_

Matsuda woke up alone.  
Knowing full well that he was alone, Matsuda pat the bed around him, searching for the warm body that should have been there.  
He_should_ have been there.  
Matsuda shivered deeply and wrapped his arms around himself.

The funeral had been months ago.

Matsuda kept dreaming about when it happened.  
When Kira had finally gotten to L.  
When L had gone suddenly quiet and then fell out of his chair.  
Matsuda had been so confused. Light moved faster and caught L before he hit the floor.

Matsuda stared as he tried to understand just what was happening.  
Light was saying something to L. Telling him to get up. L wasn't moving.  
Why wasn't L moving?  
Light was screaming.

Matsuda moved backwards, full realization crashing down on his head.  
It couldn't be true.  
This had to be a joke.  
Matsuda ran from the room and into L's bedroom.

It was empty.  
The bed was unmade.  
Where was he? That couldn't be him on the floor.

Matsuda ran to the kitchen and he found it empty.  
L couldn't be… it couldn't be true.  
It had to be a cruel joke.  
Matsuda wouldn't forgive him for playing such a mean joke.  
When he returned to the main control room, Matsuda knew, L would be standing there, smiling.  
Matsuda wouldn't forgive him.

Matsuda ran back to the room where everyone was standing in shocked silence.  
Light was weeping over L's body.  
Matsuda staggered forward and pushed Light away from L.  
Anger flashed over Light's face for just a moment.  
Matsuda ignored it.  
It didn't matter.

Matsuda pulled L's slim body into his arms and he buried his face in L's hair.  
"Please…" he murmured into L's scalp, "Please stop joking, L…"  
Hot tears dripped onto L's face.  
"L… p-please…wake up…" Matsuda whispered, "Don't leave me now…"  
-

Matsuda hadn't been able to sleep well since.  
He rubbed his hands through his hair.  
It was much shorter now.  
But somewhat long in the front.  
Just like L wanted.  
He hoped L could see it.  
Matsuda hoped L could see how much he missed him.  
_--_

Years Later

Matsuda slept better now.  
He used to wonder before why things felt so out of place.  
Why something kept nagging in the back of his head.

When Near denounced Light as Kira and showed them undeniable proof, it all began to make sense.  
That was what was nagging Matsuda.  
_Light_.

At first, he couldn't quite believe it.  
Light_couldn't_ be Kira.  
Had L been right all along?  
Matsuda and L had spent many hours talking about it and while Matsuda could understand L's viewpoint, he just couldn't see Light as a murderer.  
It just didn't connect.

But the proof was there.  
Matsuda felt as though he'd been kicked in the solar plexus – several times.  
He'd literally dropped to his knees, unable to bear the weight of realization.

Matsuda felt something unfamiliar then.  
Hatred.  
Absolute burning hatred.

Just who the hell did Light think he was anyway!?  
He turned to face Light but Light was talking.  
Blah blah blah, always talking as if his words meant more than anyone else's!  
Then Light suddenly hunched over and someone yelled that he had a hidden note.

Matsuda found his gun in his hand and was aiming it as if someone else were guiding him.  
One shot and Light was screaming.  
Perfection. Right in his hand.  
Matsuda felt himself shaking as he stood up.

Light was screaming at Matsuda.  
Saying words.  
Ugly stupid words. Matsuda screamed back.  
"You drove your father to his death!"  
Hot tears slid down his face, _'You maneuvered L's death…'_

Light stared and then suddenly hunched over again.  
"His blood!" Aizawa screamed.  
Matsuda didn't hesitate.  
One, two, three, four shots.

"I have to kill him!" Matsuda cried, rushing forward to make the kill shot.  
L would be avenged.  
Light wouldn't be allowed to go through prosecution and court. That wouldn't be justice.  
Light was a murderer.  
He only deserved death.

Matsuda aimed for Light's head and at the last moment felt hands at his arms.  
_No!_  
He pulled the trigger.  
Too late.  
They'd managed to shake his aim.

Mere inches.  
Light could feel the heat from the bullet.

Matsuda sobbed.  
He wanted to shoot Light but Aizawa had taken his gun.  
He wanted to kick the shit out of Light but the others kept a firm hold on him.

When Light ran, Matsuda was right behind Aizawa to chase after him.  
When they found Light's body, Matsuda felt a sense of relief.  
He was dead.  
L had been avenged.  
Matsuda slept better now.

Hands running through short hair. Long at the front.  
He still mourned L. Even years after he'd died.  
Still, he liked to think that L knew how much Matsuda missed him.  
Matsuda slept _much_ better now.

Of course, not as good as he had when L lay beside him.  
But better. Definitely better.

**The End (for real this time)**

* * *

For whitelilly and xoxoxlovestinksxoxox, who were kind enough to review and asked for the sequel.  
I hope its not too sad.  
In the end, Matsuda would have to just move forward.  
Note: I prefer Matsuda with short hair and I think if L had saw it, he would too. LOL.

L never got to wear colored shirts. But that's probably a good thing.

I love Matsuda for shooting Light. LOL.  
(I really don't like Light.)

I also hope it didn't move too fast. I considered breaking it up but then i was just like, 'might as well get it all out.'

Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated and cuddled. I cuddle my reviews. Every night.

-4ng3legg


End file.
